this baby has made me extra "crunchy".  or maybe i'm getting soft in my old age.  

whichever it is, i like it.  i really like it.  a lot.

so, when kayla was born, i had a lot of experience with kids.  i'd babysat for years.  i'd nannied.  i'd taught sunday school.  i'd had younger siblings.  and so on.  but becoming a parent is TOTALLY different.  first of all, it becomes a 24 hour, 7 day a week job.  not just a few hours here or a week there.  all the time.  every day.  every night.  sick.  well.  tired.  hungry.  all of it.  all the time.  

sure, its FOR SURE the most rewarding and wonderful experience you could hope for.  beyond imagination. 

but its WORK.  lots of it.  consistent.hard.work. 

over the years, though, i've learned to let go a lot.  and to love a lot more. here's what i mean.

with kayla, i was busy busy busy - trying to get her to nap at the right time, sleep through the night, entertain herself ... pretty much so i could enjoy my life more.  kinda forgot all about the fact that my #1 priority now was to train up this wee child.  she was totally and completely dependent on me.  her food, her clothing, her shelter.  she needed me.  i was made for her.  and she needed me.  but selfish me was busy busy busy trying to follow all the books and keep up with other mom friends, yada yada.  

i know, i know ... my blog entries have been few and far between lately.  what can i say?  my life is FULL these day!  

having a baby.  i kinda forgot how time consuming it really is.  but its so wonderful.  i was just thinking today how much i love these moments of my life.  no, i never feel caught up.  there are always dishes to be done, laundry to be folded or put away or washed, floors to be cleaned, counters to be cleared, meals to be made, school lessons to be taught, walks to be taken ... BUT i can't help but sit back and smile.  my girls are happy, healthy, creative, tender, loving and so-much-fun!  (most of the time!)  of course there are those times when i want to hide in the closet and not come out.  but generally, our days are pleasant.  

and another thing i love.  i love our "family room", as kayla affectionately calls it.  i know some of you probably think we're insane, but we are ALL in the master bedroom.  still.  kayla has her own mattress in there and lillian's crib bumps up to the side of our bed (like a co-sleeper, but more like a place to store burp cloths and my water and flashlight).  i just realized the other day that when kayla decides she's ready for her own room, i'll really miss her.  i like having my girls within eye sight.  i can check on them frequently through the night (you know, once a mom, you never sleep like before!), hear their little sleep sighs.  i will miss these days when they're gone.  i know it.  

and i am just so thankful for my husband.  yes, there are plenty of things that he does that irk me and i the same for him, i'm certain ... BUT he really is amazing and i am so blessed to have him.  he fully and completely supports me in my role as mom, teacher and care taker of our girls.  he loves it that i'm home with them.  and reminds me frequently that THEY (not the house that i'd prefer to be perfectly clean and organized!) are my number one priority.  he's the best.  well, the best for me, anyway.  

and so i carry on.  doing dishes, nursing baby, listening to big sister read and making a few meals in between.  

thankful.

most of you obviously know that we added a new family member to our ranks last week!  

Lillian Grace joined us, via c-section, August 4th at 2:48pm.  
6lbs 12oz, 21 inches long.  

her lung collapsed a few hours later and she's had a short stay in the NICU, but we get to bring her home tomorrow!  and tomorrow is such a special day because 7 years ago, we entered the parenting world when Kayla Ruth was born (10 weeks early, via emergency c-section, 2 1/2lbs).  and so, i'm writing this short blog b/c i really *should* be taking advantage of my last night without a newborn and getting lots of sleep, but I'M JUST A WEE BIT EXCITED!!!   

no, things didn't pan out the way i had really hoped for Lillian's birth and i still have a passion in my heart for natural child birth and all that entails, but i am not bitter.  i am not regretful.  i am only thankful.  so thankful.  this last week has been pretty painful -- traipsing back and forth to the NICU, pumping, recovering ... but i am so thankful.  i am alive.  Lillian is alive.  i have an absolutely wonderful partner i'm living this life with.  i have a precious nearly 7 year old that brings joy to my heart daily.  and i have wonderful friends and family that have offered more help, support and prayers than i could've dreamed asking for.

my heart sings: His loving kindness has yet to fail me.

over and over.

and every time i say Lillian's name, i am reminded that He is true to His promises.  Lillian Grace means God's promise and grace.  perfect.  just perfect.