i've had some GREAT blog posts rolling around in my head the last two months ... but alas. as soon as the wee girl falls asleep, i follow shortly after. i've definitely gotten wiser this time around, in the sleep-while-baby-sleeps department!
but really, i thought i might attempt to blog a few thoughts tonight since she went down pretty early. (i'll probably regret this later - say, about 2am, when the wake up call comes!) so, here it goes.
how TIME changed me, as a mother.
its been 7 years since i had an infant. and yes, the circumstances surrounding both of my daughters' births were pretty different (10 weeks in the NICU vs. 8 days in the NICU ... and so on), BUT i still have a brand new, delicious smelling, cooing, nursing, squawking, itty bitty baby in our home again.
:: i rock my baby to sleep -- because i want to, and i really don't care if it "spoils" her.
:: i hold her often. even if it means not getting the house in order or laundry done or toilets cleaned.
:: i kiss her head all.the.time. because i can.
:: i rarely let her cry. and i don't care if it teaches her to be "dependent" on me.
:: i listen to those little nursing sounds and treasure them in my heart because i know they'll soon be only a memory.
:: i lay on the floor with her. just because.
:: i go to bed with a messy house, sometimes. even though it drives me crazy, i choose to let it be.
:: i don't wish for the "sleeping-thru-the-night" to come sooner than it must because i know she'll soon not need me in those wee hours.
:: i let her nap in my arms sometimes. and i like it.
:: i try and memorize every little roll, cheek, nook and cranny of her little chubby self because one day, in the blink of my eye, she'll be a long-legged 7 year old without those baby cheeks any more.
:: sometimes i take naps with her.
:: i love to smell her neck, even if she isn't freshly bathed.
:: i don't freak out if her poo gets on me, or the sheets, or the fresh clothes she's wearing.
:: sometimes i dance with her, when nobody's watching.
:: i could care less that she doesn't follow a schedule. i'm happy to let her eat and sleep as she pleases, for now.
all these things. i venture to say, i'm a much more patient person. matured. a bit more selfless. certainly not perfect, but definitely changed. and i'm so thankful for another chance. and i'm grateful for the big sister she has because she is precious. and in a mere blink, she's so tall, so grown up, so smart, so independent, so beautiful. seeing these two girls brings joy to my heart and a lump in my throat. i couldn't be more happy. and when i heard kayla tell her daddy, "don't worry - right now she loves mommy most but she'll love love LOVE her daddy, when she gets bigger!" i almost cried. beautiful words.
my heart is full.
and i am changed.